Hephaestion Bought a What?
by Stony Knight
Summary: Just a short little scenario of how Alexander might have met Bagoas if he had not belonged to Darius beforehand. One-shot.


**Story Title:** Hephaestion Bought a What?

**Summary:** Just a short little scenario of how Alexander might have met Bagoas if he had not belonged to Darius beforehand.

**A/N:** I was bored, and this started out as a rather funny thought in my head. I hope you get enjoyment out of my insanity.

**Warnings:** Uh, tell me again why a homophobic person would be reading Alexander fanfiction?

**Disclaimer:** I'm just borrowing three of my favorite historical figures. I get nothing for posting this fanfic. I leave the profit-making to the people in the film industry and publishing industry who have enough patience to do the required amount of research for it.

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"Hephaestion, what's going on?" Alexander turned confused grey eyes upon his beloved general. "Why is there a boy sitting on my bed?"

"Because I thought he would stay out of trouble there while I figure out what to do with him," Hephaestion threw over his shoulder as he continued sorting documents on the king's desk.

"And why do _you _have to figure out what to do with him?"

"Because I'm the one who bought him this morning."

"You _bought_ him?! Why?" Alexander paced across the room and grabbed hold of his lover's shoulders, forcing the quiet general to face him while they talked.

"I don't know why," Hephaestion admitted, trying to offer up a shrug while still being held by the king's tightening grip. "It's just, well… he looked so frightened standing up there on the auction block…"

"And?" Alexander knew there was more.

"And he's just so young…"

"And?"

"And there were men there that were bidding on him. I didn't like their looks…"

"Why?"

"Because they were practically drooling over him… but he's just so young…"

"So you bought him?"

"Yes." Hephaestion blinked up at Alexander in innocence.

"And you brought him back here to the palace?"

"Well, he's sitting right over there, so obviously."

"And right now he's sitting on my bed, because you haven't figured out what to do with him yet."

"Right," Hephaestion answered even though Alexander had made it a statement, not a question.

"Hephaestion, why is he still naked then?"

"Because I need more money if I'm to buy him clothes. I used everything I had on me to outbid the others at the auction," the general admitted a little too quickly, a guilty blush coloring his handsome face.

"Just how much money did you spend on him?" his lover tilted his head in such a way that it reminded Hephaestion of a curious puppy.

"Alexander, you don't want to know," the general stood up then, forcing his king and commander to take a step back. Deliberately he walked over to the bed and sat down beside the boy, draping his arm around the youth's slim shoulders. "I was not going to let one of those horny, old men buy him just to abuse him, body and soul."

"How do you know that they would have used him for sex?" Alexander crossed his arms over his chest, not moving from the spot beside his desk.

"That was the sales pitch the auctioneer was using. He is beautifully formed, after all, almost like a statue of a little Eros."

The king gave a sigh, conceding defeat to the only man he would willingly loose an argument with. But at least this wasn't any type of quarrel; Alexander just didn't know how he would explain the boy's sudden presence to anyone else. He was clearly a eunuch, and such individuals were most typically associated with the harems of rich Persians. The king doubted the Companions would let this slide without a few passing jokes when they found out about the boy, especially considering how he had taken to Aristotle's teachings on love and sex when he was an adolescent at Mieza. Looking back he was always surprised at just how naïve he had been before his own puberty had hit him.

"So what's his name?" Alexander trudged over to the bed and sat down on the boy's opposite side from Hephaestion.

"Bagoas," his beloved general answered as he began playing with the young eunuch's silken hair.

"I don't suppose he speaks Greek, does he?"

"I speak a little, Great King Al'skander," the boy offered a shy smile as he slowly pronounced the foreign words with a thick but endearing accent. "I understand more."

Alexander returned Bagoas's smile, "Perhaps then Hephaestion and I could teach you more Greek in return for your guidance in learning Persian. Yes, I think that would be a perfect task for you, much better than anything a horny, old man would ask you to do."

The king accepted the bold hug that Bagoas offered with gratitude to him. Alexander then looked to Hephaestion.

"Well?"

"Well, what?" the general returned in confusion.

"You know where I keep my coins. Go buy the poor boy some clothes!" Hephaestion scrambled off the bed as his golden lover laughed at him. "I'll agree he's beautiful, my Patroclus, but that is no excuse to leave him naked in the midst of an army. You'll find yourself saving him from more than just horny, old men, and I doubt you'd be able to buy your way out of that kind of trouble!"

"No, I think we'd have to conquer a few more fortified cities for that, especially if I would have to pay the same amount I bought him for to each and every soldier in this army," Hephaestion gave his own nervous laugh as he fetched the coins and then slipped out the door.

Once his beloved general was gone, Alexander turned back to Bagoas.

"And how old are you actually?"

"I'll be turning eighteen in less than a month," Bagoas's speech had improved in both tempo and pronunciation as he answered this new question, knowing the game was up.

"So why did he really buy you?" the king asked as he fingered the little band of blue silk ribbon around the boy's neck.

"Something about a birthday present for his lover," Bagoas gave his shy smile again as he leaned into Alexander's touch. "I think in the end he decided it might have been a bad idea."

"I'll have to come up with some way to punish him for his change of heart then. I rather like his idea for a present."

"Oh, I think I could show you a few tricks that would be appropriate," the eunuch's smile turned into a mischievous grin. "Thank you for not sending me away, Great King. I really do cringe at the thought of serving horny, old men. They have no sense of adventure."

Somehow Alexander knew that Bagoas meant that last statement to extend beyond just the bedroom despite the obvious innuendo. Leaning forward to meet the eunuch's soft lips, the Macedonian who was now king of the Persian Empire accepted his first taste of what his newly acquired kingdom truly had to offer.

"Perhaps the best punishment for my thoughtful Hephaestion would be forcing him to look but not touch for a little while," Alexander licked his lips as he drew back, provoking a warm laugh from Bagoas.

"I would have no problem with that, Great King," the boy's dark eyes began to glow as his smile widened. With all the boneless grace of a cat, Bagoas moved to straddle Alexander's lap, "I happened to notice that he was drooling right along with the rest of them this morning."

The king suddenly found himself hoping that his beloved general would return before he and Bagoas finished what they were just now starting. He very much wanted to begin the man's punishment, knowing the resulting buildup of passion would be highly pleasurable to all three of them.

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**End A/N:** Okay, Bagoas-haters unite! I know you're going to flame me, and so I'm saying go for it! I actually enjoy it, because it means I've gotten you to read something you don't like. (insert evil laugh here)

So, yeah, please review. I always love hearing from people, no matter what you have to say.

Thanks for reading! ~ Stony Knight


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